Irritated, frustrated, angry, ready to explode? You're not alone. Whether it's an argument with a friend, irritation
because a driver cuts in front of you, a disagreement about the best way to do a job -
conflict is a part of everyday life. Conflict produces stress, hurts friendships, and
causes injury and death.
We can't always avoid conflict, but we can learn to manage it. That way,
we use conflict to improve our lives and to learn from past mistakes.
WHAT SKILLS ARE NEEDED TO MANAGE PERSONAL
Understanding your own feelings about conflict. This means recognizing
your "trigger," words or actions that immediately provoke an emotional response,
like anger. It could be a facial expression, a tone of voice, a pointing finger, a certain
phrase. Once you know your "trigger," you can better control your emotions.
Active listening. Go beyond hearing just words and try to understand what
the other person is saying. Listen carefully, instead of thinking about what you're going
to say next. Active listening requires concentration and body language that says you are
Generating options for resolving a conflict. Many people can think of only
two ways to manage conflict - fighting or avoiding the problem. Take a step back, get the
facts straight, brainstorm all ideas that might help resolve the argument, and discuss the
pros, cons, and consequences.
MOVING AWAY FROM CONFRONTATION AND TOWARDS
Look at your response to conflict. If your style isn't working - you're
left with raging emotions which lead to more problems - try to change.
State your needs and define the problem. Talk about the issues without
insulting or blaming the other person. Don't state your position; that's simply your
solution to the problem. Compare what is said (position) with what is really meant
Together, discuss various ways of meeting needs or solving the problem. Be
flexible and open-minded.
Decide who will be responsible for specific actions after reaching
agreement on a plan.
IF YOU CAN'T WORK IT OUT.... GET HELP
Try mediation. Courts, schools, and businesses are turning more and more
to mediation to resolve disputes. Mediation relieves the backlog in overburdening the
courts, and people often are more satisfied with the results. Mediators do not make
decisions for people - they help people make their own decisions.
Try arbitration. In arbitration, a neutral third party acts as the judge.
Disputing parties agree on an arbitrator who then hears evidence from all sides, asks
questions, and hands down a decision. Usually the arbitrators decision is final.
Try an ombudsman. An ombudsman is hired by and works within an
institution. The ombudsman's job is to investigate complaints from the public against the
institution, make recommendations, and try to resolve problems.
||Choose A Convenient time
||Don't blame or name call
||Show that you are listening
||Talk it through
||Work on solutions
If you have any questions, please contact
Deputy John Peck (818) 878-5505.