TIPS ON MANAGING CONFLICT

Irritated, frustrated, angry, ready to explode? You're not alone. Whether it's an argument with a friend, irritation because a driver cuts in front of you, a disagreement about the best way to do a job - conflict is a part of everyday life. Conflict produces stress, hurts friendships, and causes injury and death.

We can't always avoid conflict, but we can learn to manage it. That way, we use conflict to improve our lives and to learn from past mistakes.

WHAT SKILLS ARE NEEDED TO MANAGE PERSONAL CONFLICT

Understanding your own feelings about conflict. This means recognizing your "trigger," words or actions that immediately provoke an emotional response, like anger. It could be a facial expression, a tone of voice, a pointing finger, a certain phrase. Once you know your "trigger," you can better control your emotions.

Active listening. Go beyond hearing just words and try to understand what the other person is saying. Listen carefully, instead of thinking about what you're going to say next. Active listening requires concentration and body language that says you are paying attention.

Generating options for resolving a conflict. Many people can think of only two ways to manage conflict - fighting or avoiding the problem. Take a step back, get the facts straight, brainstorm all ideas that might help resolve the argument, and discuss the pros, cons, and consequences.

MOVING AWAY FROM CONFRONTATION AND TOWARDS AGREEMENT

Look at your response to conflict. If your style isn't working - you're left with raging emotions which lead to more problems - try to change.

State your needs and define the problem. Talk about the issues without insulting or blaming the other person. Don't state your position; that's simply your solution to the problem. Compare what is said (position) with what is really meant (needs).

Together, discuss various ways of meeting needs or solving the problem. Be flexible and open-minded.

Decide who will be responsible for specific actions after reaching agreement on a plan.

IF YOU CAN'T WORK IT OUT.... GET HELP

Try mediation. Courts, schools, and businesses are turning more and more to mediation to resolve disputes. Mediation relieves the backlog in overburdening the courts, and people often are more satisfied with the results. Mediators do not make decisions for people - they help people make their own decisions.

Try arbitration. In arbitration, a neutral third party acts as the judge. Disputing parties agree on an arbitrator who then hears evidence from all sides, asks questions, and hands down a decision. Usually the arbitrators decision is final.

Try an ombudsman. An ombudsman is hired by and works within an institution. The ombudsman's job is to investigate complaints from the public against the institution, make recommendations, and try to resolve problems.

COMMUNICATION TIPS
	Choose A Convenient time		Plan Ahead
	Don't blame or name call		Give information
	Show that you are listening		Talk it through
	Work on solutions		Follow through
	Talk Directly		Listen

 

WHERE TO FIND HELP
	Schools, colleges, universities.
	Local or state consumer protection offices.
	Community or neighborhood dispute resolution centers.
	Local government-district attorney, small claims court, family services.
	Better Business Bureau.
	Law school legal clinics.
	Private organizations listed in the telephone directory's yellow pages under arbitration or mediation services.

If you have any questions, please contact
Deputy Shawn Brownell at (818)878-1808 extension 3103.